Saturday, October 31, 2009

Very disappointed in President Obama

Aside from the fact that he has not solved the economic crisis, he has not produced sufficient H1N1 vaccine for the at-risk population.

Well, sufficient H1N1 vaccine for those who have health insurance and deserve to be vaccinated, like me, for instance.

What is wrong with him? I am going to make sure this is thoroughly investigated. There are no excuses for him not getting this done. Certainly the fact that I cut flu pandemic preparedness from the economic stimulus plan is irrelevant. Nobody remembers that.

In any case, he should have been able to do this without any funding.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Statement on Healthcare Position

Fake Senator Collins' statement on President's health care address

“The problem of providing affordable access to quality health care for all Americans is one of the most significant domestic challenges facing our country. It affects every American and one-sixth of our economy. It is such a monumental problem that I certainly don't expect it to be solved in my lifetime. Or at least as long as I am in the Senate, if I have anything to do with it.

“I continue to believe that addressing growing health care costs must be at the center of any health care reform legislation. The high cost is the major barrier to coverage for the uninsured and the reason why so many small businesses and middle-income families are struggling with the escalating cost of health insurance. Soaring costs also are a major burden for the federal and state budgets. Somebody ought to do something about this. Somebody else, and not too fast. The lobbyists are spending money on us like crazy here.

“Any reforms must also take into account our country’s exploding national debt. I remain deeply concerned about the high price tags associated with House bill and the Senate Health Committee legislation. The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has estimated that these plans could cost as much as $1.6 trillion over the next decade. These costs may be borne by middle-income families and small businesses in the form of increased taxes at a time when they can least afford it. So unless any healthcare reform has the projected result of reducing the national debt, I will be opposed to any sort of reform. Everyone knows that the poor and uninsured should not only pay all of their own healthcare costs, but they should also pay extra for the privilege of supporting big business and the profitability of the health insurance, pharmaceutical, and hospital industries.

“The Senate Finance Committee continues to work to come up with bipartisan legislation that addresses these concerns. I look forward to seeing what its negotiations produce. We're all looking for a good laugh, since we already have the bill that Max Baucus's lobbyist friend wrote for him. You don't suppose they'll be magically the same, word for word, do you?”

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Forum in Kennebunkport

I met with Maine Republican supporters at the Nonantum Resort for lunch today. It's a marvelous place, you should check it out when you're looking into staying in Kennebunkport.

We discussed party strategy. People have been bothering my staffers wanting to know what we're going to do about the "health care crisis", and the state Senators and Reps are starting to get worried because their constituents seem to want the government to interfere with the free market and take over health care. Or something, I'm not sure. I don't care what they want. We need to find a way to make them forget about this. You didn't think we had plans to change the system, did you? It's working so well, except for that little problem with cost. Don't worry about that, the Republicans and the health insurance industry will fix that when it comes up again, in 17 years, just like the last time.

I was a little surprised to see protesters across the streets carrying signs and chanting. I didn't tell them about it. They weren't invited. I'm sure they wouldn't have the money to stay at a luxury resort like the Nonantum. They should probably get a job, or two or three if they want health care, and stop slacking and claiming that health care is a human right.

I was so surprised to see them there, that I smiled and almost waved.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Going to Kennebunkport!

Yes, in the morning (noon, actually) I will be paying a visit to the Nonantum to meet with some important supporters about health care. I understand there are going to be some protesters outside the resort (resorts are wonderful, aren't they? Especially when you don't have to pay for them yourself!), but I'm not going to worry about them. They don't matter. You don't matter if you didn't get invited.

Seriously, forget about health care reform. Forget about insurance reform. But if you're uninsured, you'd better get ready to start paying for insurance and stop slacking and leeching off the system. Those of us with government-paid healthcare are tired of you getting off scot-free. Get a real job. Or two. Or three.

The insurance companies need the money to buy off us politicians.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Congratulations and thanks so much to Olympia!

Thanks so much to my fellow Maine Senator Olympia Snowe for finally coming out against public health care. We Mainers are independent and don't want health forced down our throats. Let those whiners get extra jobs so they can pay for it honestly!

You work on those health care co-ops. It doesn't matter if the GAO found they don't save anybody any money. We don't want it to work, now do we?

Really, if the health insurance industry is opposed to it, how can it be right?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Hi from Washington!

I just wanted to touch base with all you Mainers! I know I've been in Washington all summer, so you haven't been able to get in touch with me to ask hard questions about difficult subjects like health care reform, but please visit one of my local offices, where the staffers will gladly print you up my policy statement on that. Please don't ask them to answer questions about it. Well, you can ask, but don't expect an answer, as they are under orders not to discuss the topic. Actually, I'd prefer you stop asking about that subject at all. My staffers are getting tired of having to lie and pretend there is any sort of suggestion that I or other hardline Republicans have any sort of plan. I don't have to justify my position, and I don't even have to state it if I don't want to. I'm the Senator, not you. So there.

I have been keeping really busy pushing obscure bills that are actually giveaways to private industry and close friends of mine. And it takes a lot of time to hold meetings with so many health insurance, hospital, and PhRMA lobbyists. But I will be sure to touch base with you, my loyal constituents, as often as possible.

If you have a question, don't ask me. I'm too busy. Call my office in Washington, and my receptionist will tell you you're wrong. Or visit my local offices. But no matter what you do, don't ask me or any other Republican any hard questions!