Statement on Healthcare Position

Fake Senator Collins' statement on President's health care address

“The problem of providing affordable access to quality health care for all Americans is one of the most significant domestic challenges facing our country. It affects every American and one-sixth of our economy. It is such a monumental problem that I certainly don't expect it to be solved in my lifetime. Or at least as long as I am in the Senate, if I have anything to do with it.

“I continue to believe that addressing growing health care costs must be at the center of any health care reform legislation. The high cost is the major barrier to coverage for the uninsured and the reason why so many small businesses and middle-income families are struggling with the escalating cost of health insurance. Soaring costs also are a major burden for the federal and state budgets. Somebody ought to do something about this. Somebody else, and not too fast. The lobbyists are spending money on us like crazy here.

“Any reforms must also take into account our country’s exploding national debt. I remain deeply concerned about the high price tags associated with House bill and the Senate Health Committee legislation. The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has estimated that these plans could cost as much as $1.6 trillion over the next decade. These costs may be borne by middle-income families and small businesses in the form of increased taxes at a time when they can least afford it. So unless any healthcare reform has the projected result of reducing the national debt, I will be opposed to any sort of reform. Everyone knows that the poor and uninsured should not only pay all of their own healthcare costs, but they should also pay extra for the privilege of supporting big business and the profitability of the health insurance, pharmaceutical, and hospital industries.

“The Senate Finance Committee continues to work to come up with bipartisan legislation that addresses these concerns. I look forward to seeing what its negotiations produce. We're all looking for a good laugh, since we already have the bill that Max Baucus's lobbyist friend wrote for him. You don't suppose they'll be magically the same, word for word, do you?”

Forum in Kennebunkport

I met with Maine Republican supporters at the Nonantum Resort for lunch today. It's a marvelous place, you should check it out when you're looking into staying in Kennebunkport.

We discussed party strategy. People have been bothering my staffers wanting to know what we're going to do about the "health care crisis", and the state Senators and Reps are starting to get worried because their constituents seem to want the government to interfere with the free market and take over health care. Or something, I'm not sure. I don't care what they want. We need to find a way to make them forget about this. You didn't think we had plans to change the system, did you? It's working so well, except for that little problem with cost. Don't worry about that, the Republicans and the health insurance industry will fix that when it comes up again, in 17 years, just like the last time.

I was a little surprised to see protesters across the streets carrying signs and chanting. I didn't tell them about it. They weren't invited. I'm sure they wouldn't have the money to stay at a luxury resort like the Nonantum. They should probably get a job, or two or three if they want health care, and stop slacking and claiming that health care is a human right.

I was so surprised to see them there, that I smiled and almost waved.